Question:
Wow, you guys are sooo supportive. Thanks!
I dunno, but I am having a very tough time. No matter what I accomplish, I don't feel very good. I can blame my family, and I do think they are tough on me, but in any case I've internalized all of their negativity. The only thing that gives me any hope, or makes me feel better, is seeing my doctor. The rest of the week I just feel crappy, usually. And then when I start to feel better, my family gets in on me and makes me feel bad again. Don't get me wrong, I have faults...but you want to think that your family believe in you...because if they don't, who will?
Answer:
Hi Danna, I hope you talk about this in therapy then. If people are bringing you down this means to me that you need to understand what is going on and how it is affecting you so that it doesn't happen anymore.
Answer:
DannaB:
Sometimes families are just toxic. I don't know if yours is but your doctor can help you see them for what they are. I have finally realized the limitations of my family and especially my mother. I have very limited contact with her and no contact with my brother. Believe me, I tried, but I kept getting squashed. So when I do see my mother it is on my terms. I actually miss her sometimes now and I call her when I do. She lives only 1/2 hour away but I see her about 4 times a year (holidays only if I want to). Please understand this has taken me a long time to get here including 2 years of psychotherapy. It is difficult to go against taboos placed on family and family love. I have a biological family and my real family (friends who really really care about me and are my cheerleaders on this long road of life).
Good luck to you.
Answer:
DannaB:
Sometimes families are just toxic. I don't know if yours is but your doctor can help you see them for what they are. I have finally realized the limitations of my family and especially my mother. I have very limited contact with her and no contact with my brother. Believe me, I tried, but I kept getting squashed. So when I do see my mother it is on my terms. I actually miss her sometimes now and I call her when I do. She lives only 1/2 hour away but I see her about 4 times a year (holidays only if I want to). Please understand this has taken me a long time to get here including 2 years of psychotherapy. It is difficult to go against taboos placed on family and family love. I have a biological family and my real family (friends who really really care about me and are my cheerleaders on this long road of life).
Good luck to you.
hi treelover,
i have the same problem, and i found that distance is the only thing that REALLY "solves" it....i mean, the only thing that makes me somewhat more peaceful and lets me be a bit "freer" in my heart--with no harsh judgments and criticisms from my mother. i don't understand why she was always this way, but i've tried over the years to patch things with her, to no avail. i guess i haven't stayed away completely, or long enough as you have, to actually miss her (although just a few days ago, she turned 65, and i felt guilty that even now we cannot get along.....but even so, just a few days ago as well, she was in rare form, when i picked her up from somewhere, and throughout the ride to her place, she was talking to me as if i were 12, instead of 36. this made me feel like complete crap, and very, very angry--but i did't let her see it anymore, since i figured why flame the fire more....and as i'm already depressed and anxious, it made me even more depressed, so when i got home i cried, like an idiot that i am....). i don't know why i think that when she seems oK over the phone, she'll be ok in person.
sorry to have interrupted in here, danna!!!
Answer:
Dakota, would you ever tell your mother "you are speaking to me like a 12 yr old!"