Question:
Six months ago I was told that my father only had six months to live. Today I recieved a call and was told that his lungs were filling with fluid and he would probably fall into a comma and that this would be my last chance to talk to him. I went to visit him when I first found out that he was dying and have been writing him letters to tell him how I feel about him; however, I don't think that I will be able to go see him this time before he passes. I don't think I can handle seeing him die. My family is not happy with this decision and is persistant about making me feel guilty about my decision. Im not sure what to do about this...is it wrong not to want to say goodbye in person?
Answer:
ryka-
JMHO, but if your father is in his right mind and can still recognize you, I'd go to be with him one last time. I was less than a month out of a major cervical surgery when my dad died, and would have given anything to be with him even though he was not all there mentally anymore. I've had to accept the fact that it could not be. I am concerned that you might have regrets for not going to see him one last time. I still regret not being with my dad. I hope you do what is right for you... and your dad.
wb
Answer:
rka,
Sorry about your father, Its tuff . I know. My father and brother both died because there lungs filled up, My father held on till all of his kids were with him, My sister was in the hospital, she had a pace maker put in, she left the hospital to see my father, He was in comma , when my sister came home, she grabbed his hand, He squeezed her hand and smiled, 10 minutes later he died . He waited for her. I wasnt there for my brother and I felt so bad after he passed. Its hard, But I would be there.
Good luck .
Answer:
ryka--
I am sorry to hear about your father as I am struggling with the same pain. My father has brain cancer and tho he has had surgery and is having radiation, it is incurable. He will become less and less a part of this world in the months to come.
Although I feel like I can't see him in such a condition, I also feel that it's his desire and right to want to have his family around him as the time comes. I feel that my being with him, even if it doesn't make me feel good inside, is a comfort to him (and to my mother). It's out of respect for him at his time of passage that I will go. He is going to have to make a very tough journey and whatever I can do to ease the transition is the very least that I can do. I would like to think that when my time to pass arrives, I will have people I care about to support me.
The part that troubles me most about all of this is the wake/funeral. THAT to me is the most distressing part. I want to be able to remember my dad in good times after he's gone. Have some photos and memorabilia of his liveliness. I don't want to see him painted up in an open coffin with people coming by to say how 'good' he looks. Ugh, it's so macabre. I would rather not do that at ALL; but it's my father's and my mother's wish to do what they want. I will have to go with it when the time comes.
I will keep you in my best thoughts as you go through this trying time and I wish you peace.
MLWC
Answer:
As hard as it is, YOU HAVE TO GO!!!! You should not even think of not going. You are only given one father in your life and you will never have the chance again. I just spent 18 days in the hospital with my dad, he was on total life support and it was the hardest thing to see, especially because he was fine before. We really thought he was going to die, and he pulled through thanks to angels and Kaiser. I feel like I have a second chance with him and want to spend as much time as I can with him. He has told us that alot of strange things happened to him during that time, he is now a different person. When you are dying, it is scary and the only comfort you have is your loved ones. Please go, so you don't regret it!