Question:
I am a newbie to the board. I am in need of advise and help. My father died suddenly February 10th of this year, a massive heart attach no warning. The doctors said he never knew what hit him. This was great for my father, because he could never have handled a long term illness. It was devastating to the family. Since I am alone I moved in immediately with my mother.
They had been married 60 years and my father was 80 and my mother is 79. She is in pretty good health. How do I handle this? I have not had time to grieve and my mother seems to not want to live anymore. If I look like I am having a bad day, she gets worse. So I plaster a smile on my face all the time. I feel as if I am coming apart at the seams. I love my mother with all my heart and I don't mean to sound hard. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose the one you loved for so many years. I know how I feel, but he was my father and not the man I loved and spent my life with. But, I am expected to lose my life and be here 24/7 for the rest of it. I don't know how to cop and I'm afraid this winter will be something I will not be able to handle.
I don't know how to help her and help myself. I am thinking about getting professional help for myself, but I don't think she will agree to do so. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I hope I have done this right, it being my first time and all, but I needed somewhere to turn.
Answer:
Hi
I just lost my Mom- these boards are very helpful so I hope you get the advice you need.
My long history with my parents is both of them had alzeimers and suffered through strokes.
My Dad I kept him at home until he died in 2001.
And my Mom who passed a few days ago has been in a nursing home for 3 years and I cared for her before that.
I was the major caretaker and had to put my life on hold up until my Mom went in the nursing home.
But even in nursing home care- there's the financial responsibility, phone calls , making sure staff are properly doing job.,etc.
But now that my long decade long task of caretaking of my parents is over, I feel empty.
Yes, be ever so glad your father passed without going through years of suffering because it is hard to watch.
And I know your life is on hold for your Mom now- but you won't regret it-she needs you now.
I suggest getting into groups, counseling and companions to possibly come in some days to give you a break..
Take care.
Answer:
Why did you move in with your mother? You said she's in pretty good health and 79 is not that old.
Answer:
Thank You catlady7160,
I am so very sorry to hear about your parents. Yes, I am glade my father died as sudden as he did. That was a blessing. Thank you for the suggestion of, getting into group for myself, but my mother would never agree to counseling and companions for her.
May Peace Be With You
Answer:
Titchou,
I moved in with my mother because she was not doing good at all when my father past on. It would have been cruel and unthinkable to not be with her through her pain. She now expects me to be with her the rest of her life. I would have no problem with that except she now treats me like a 3 year old. That is the way she use to treat my father and I guess now in her eyes I have taken his place. That is where I am having a problem. I would not hurt my mother for anything in the world, but I don't know how to handle this without hurting her. That is why I thought maybe writing here someone might have the same problem or close to it and I could get some advise. I see now I should seek professional help.