Question:
Help
I am at the end of my rope with my 43 year old husband who is a noncompliant diabetic with a 10 year old head injury. How do you continue to love and take care of a person who lies all the time and whose moods are unpredictable. I have tried so hard to make this marriage work. My husband is disabled, so he is home all the time and does nothing. I homeschool my four children, pay the bills, clean the house, mow the lawn, take care of him, make all the meals, etc. I could handle all of these things if he was at least nice and supportive to the children and myself. What do I do? I don't understand if his attitude is something he can control or if his health is failing. He has at least three low blood sugars per week that end in convulsions. The rest of the time his blood sugars are in the 300 and up. I would take care of his diabetes for him, but he is one of those types of people that expects you to pick him up off the floor and then leave him alone. He blames me for everything in his life. I have put up with this for six years and I don't know how much longer I can do this. Please help.
Rana20
Answer:
Hi rana20........... Oh does my heart go out to you. What a strong , wonderful person you are. Different relationships but similar stories. My husband's parents passed away a week apart from each other. For the last year of their lives they both needed care. he had cancer, she had diabetes with all of the complications to go with it. I loved both of them very much. My father-in-law was the easiest person to take care of. very willing and appreciative of anything that was done for him. My Mother-inlaw , God rest her, became was nasty at times. Also a bad diabetic who ate whateve, whenever, and gave herself insuling shots whether she needed them or not. Can't blame that on her, no one ever told her if her reading was under a certain # she didn't need her shot. Once she was educated it was too late. At times my husband would go give them both dinner. One night he could take no more of his mother's attitude. yelled at him, yelled at the dying father. My husband lost it and blasted her that there were so many people trying to be good to her and help and she was being nasty to all. He left and came home and cried that he had talked to his dying mother like that. She called me about 2 hours later and told me she got up, took a walk around the house and could I find someone to come over and do her hair and to please tell her son that she loved him and to thank him for waking her up. Sometimes the caregiver has to practice tough love to get through. When people are this ill they tend to get angry at whoever is taking care of them. Not fair but true. Maybe you need to make some rules and adhere to them. Tell him you will make the right foods for him to control his diabetes but he has to eat them because you cannot take the convulsions, the dips in the glucose readings. He has to give it his best shot too. Just my opinion. Best of luck.
ICC
Answer:
Thank you ICC for your encouragement. I don't know about being a wonderful person, because sometimes I just can't stand him. I try to be nice and not lecture or nag because it doesn't do any good. It just makes my blood pressure high. Thank you for replying and letting me know that it can't go on forever. I wish he would take responsibility for his health and be nice and sweet like when I met him. I just need to hear that other people have been in my shoes and survived. Thank you. Rana20
Answer:
Hi rana.......You ARE a wonderful person. Anyone who puts so much time and care into another human being is wonderful especially when the patient isn't very pleasant I hope hubby let's goof some of the anger for both of your sakes. And that's what it is, it's anger at his condition. I am also a diabetic and know the feeling when the glucose is going crazy. it really effects the mood. I a wishing you the best. Hange in there and take some time for yourself.
ICC